Rescued

To start off 2013 last year I was in the hospital for five days for emergency surgery. McKenna had jumped into my stomach and ruptured my gall bladder. I got to see God move in ways that were new to me. He moved a blockage in my bile duct the day before the procedure, and He stopped internal bleeding after my gall bladder was removed. It was a matter of Tamara and Jonathan laying hands on me and believing the Holy Spirit would move and heal, and He did. It was an army of prayer warriors calling out to Him on my behalf... and He responded. He rescued me. It was a time where my eyes were opened to the power of the Holy Spirit that is inside of those who follow Christ. It was a certain awakening and an opening of eyes that changed me and is still changing me. 

The start to 2014 was less eventful, but I have been able to reflect on some things. This weekend we were being taught about the healing process from our sin. In 1 Corinthians 6 Paul reminds them that they were once a certain way, but they have been changed. They had been redeemed and rescued as well, and the change was going to be obvious through the way they lived their lives. If they had encountered the life changing power of the Holy Spirit through the sacrifice of Jesus and not been changed, what were they doing? Had they had an emotional experience then went back to life as normal?You wouldn't think so, but this is apparent in our churches today, and I can say even in my own life. 

I grew up in the church and I had a lot of head knowledge. I had experienced God's protection in a couple car accidents. I had some emotional moments where I was convicted and encouraged. And through that I still was building my own kingdom, and not following Him. It was convenient...be self seeking and when I thought I needed Him I would act more Christian. That way he would bless me , right?  The honest truth was there was and is nothing I could or can do to earn His blessing. My goodness next to His goodness is an illusion, and I certainly fall short in light of His glory. In fact, in light of His glory I should just fall on my face and worship Him for Who He is. 

But here is the deal. Because I had not experienced heart and life change I remained enslaved to my sin. I was in shackles to sexual sin. It became my identity and my means for confidence. 

It turned me into a jealous and insecure teenager. There was a season where I went so hard in the opposite direction of where the Father had intended for me to go, I was utterly lost. But I didn't even realize it. I was following "my heart" and I was being deceived. 

And then through a series of difficult situations and the very idolatrous foundation I had been building my kingdom on began to crumble, God opened my eyes. I realized I was in a sea all alone and I was drowning. My friend Ben found me at just the right time and prayed over me and God begin to peel back the layers of the onion of myself and help me grasp my own depravity. I am broken so badly and in such need of a Healer.  Not only are there moments in my life where I need Him, I am dependent on Him every breath. 

This is where I was truly rescued. I went from imminent death to eternal life. The parallels in the physical and spiritual healing Jesus showed me are overwhelmingly obvious. The last 14 years God has been refining me and teaching me. Through great teachers and through blessed community I have been shepherded as I have grown closer to the Father.  And he has called me to shepherd others as well. This is what discipleship is all about. This is community. It is God sending the Holy Spirit to live out through his Church what Jesus did for us by loving others and offering them the same life giving water that rescued us. 

Thank you Jesus for your unending sacrificial Love. You came to rescue the world.  

Diverse

I am in Charleston this week with the great opportunity to play golf and watch the PGA Championship at Kiawah. I played yesterday and it was beautiful. Being in this setting continues to remind me of God's creativity and diversity. He is in every detail of everything I see. And the overwhelming thing is that He still desires a relationship with me...His creation. Essentially, that is the purpose of Him creating me.

Beginning

And it begins. Never really attempted to blog before- but maybe I can share some of the things God teaches me, and sometimes just want is on my mind. They are often one and the same. The idea I have been hanging on lately is God's faithfulness is my shield and my great reward. Aaron Keyes has a song called "Dwell" and I find myself singing these words time and again. To know the very thing that cast a safe shadow around me is not only a reward I do not deserve but is also the result of my faithfulness...as broken as that is... to Him. I try wrapping my human head around that and it is so hard for me to relate to. This is God the Creator I am speaking of coming down and blanketing my life with this righteous and overwhelming love. Despite my brokeness- He see it no more because of the One who stands before Him in my place. Now that is some sort of reward....